Our Favourite Jokes. 24 August 2016 Some are old, some are new(ish). But we’re still chuckling …

All summer long our colleagues at The Corner Shop Scotland have been working hard at the Edinburgh Fringe. While they have been soaking up the festival atmosphere and laughing at jokes re-told the morning after, we Londoners have had to make-do with memories of festivals past and re-runs of Live at the Apollo.

So here’s a few of our favourite jokes. Some are old, some are new(ish). But we’re still chuckling …

 

Peter Kay
A man's walking down the street with a lady on his back.
Someone stops him and says "what are you doing?" He replies, "I'm going to the fancy dress party."
"What as?!"
"A tortoise."
"Well who's that on your back?"
"THAT'S MICHELLE!"

 

Demetri Martin
I want to buy a bunch of hermit crabs and make them live together
“Are those hermit crabs?”
“Not anymore. They’re mingling crabs.”

 

Bridget Christie
Feminism is not a fad. It’s not like Angry Birds. Although it does involve a lot of angry birds. Bad example.

 

Russell Kane
On old people heckling:
“I’ll pelt you with Werther’s. How’s that for original?!”

 

Tim Vine
I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays."

 

Bill Bailey
This one has to be seen to be … erm … understood …

 

Stewart Francis
Last night I watched a documentary about shipbuilding . . . Riveting.

 

Liam Williams
How did I who left school at 16, before going onto Sixth Form and University, come to be where I am today?

 

Zoe Lyons
I am quite excited because the book I have been waiting for about mature male gorillas has just come out in silverback.

 

Tommy Cooper
Two cannibals are eating a clown. one says to the other ‘Does he taste funny to you?’

 

 


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